good for you

how noble of you to not hate me.

you know, considering i was completely honest and did absolutely nothing wrong.

but good for you. thanks for being so mature. 

the story of my life

setting: in a classroom on liberty's campus- 7:40 am

characters: jenna, lindsey, mandy, dr. jerk (a professor of psychology), about 7 other psych majors doing an internship

mood: irritated- it's early; you hate mornings and the professor is late.

Plot: the professor spends an hour talking about herself and how important she is. she goes on to explain how the people you, as interns, will be serving are most likely poor, and therefore stupid and helpless. she also gives you a little "self-esteem" boost by letting you know that you are educated (with less than an undergrad) and in your early 20's, so you WILL know more than your site supervisors and threaten them with all of your fancy knowledge. she is disrespectful and rude the entire session. but, she does tell you to do your internships for the glory of God. no one else in the class seems to notice the disconnect. 

theme: peoples perspectives are grossly skewed.- you never want to be so focused on yourself that you hate people who have less (through your actions and demeaning words)... you want to be someone like the people you get to serve and love, because they are humble and real, and appreciate things. they can see real beauty. you never want to be like dr. jerk. you want to help build His kingdom, not break it down. 

"it's easy to love the people far away. it's not always easy to love those close to us. it's easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own homes and communities..." 

Jenna=Frustration

it has been hard to put into words what i have been thinking and feeling lately; mostly due to the fact that i feel like my head is one large ball of mass confusion.

 (officially) today is the first day of my last semester of undergrad. i have hated every single second of college -academically speaking. it seems a bit unreal that this is the end considering how hard it has been for me to care about writing papers that no one reads and reading books that don't say anything important. not to mention spending thousand of dollars (that i don't actually have) for a piece of paper that is proof of the royal waste of time i've spent doing these things. i'm called to not love the things of this world, and in so many ways i see the "power of education" as something directly connected to the mess and greed of this world. 

the end of these few years brings me to a transition. and that transition brings so many questions:

grad school? to go or not, and where.

place of residence? it would be helpful if i could even narrow it down to a state

world race? raise 15,000 dollars and be gone for a year to serve others and God, is it possible or the right thing?

career? i have no idea

relationships? ha

blah blah blah i'm bored even writing this. 

maybe i just wanted to look at these questions written down...

i know it's taken care of already. i just want to live like it is. i'm surrendering all i am.

aghhh... 

to whom it may concern

you were one of my best friends.

something funny happened today and i wanted to tell you about it. 

i wanted to harass you about your new comment. 

i wanted to tell you about something i read. 

i'm sorry i cannot be what you want or what you need. 

i wish things were different.

your old friend,

jenna

well...

i guess i got an answer...? 

 

being simple isn't so simple...

simplify. sounds easy enough, doesn't it? 

once one gets past the simplifying his or her material possession collection, this idea becomes a bit more complex. 

all at once, it is not about the things we have or the activities we do... it's about the people in our lives. 

i would say even one significant person being in my life is complex. loving someone, caring for someone, understanding someone, communicating with someone. now add another person... and another. it's worse- more complex, there are now multiple dynamics. 

how are we to simplify when the very nature of relationships are complex? 

nothing is really simple, is it? 

 just breathe. simple? nope. there are mechanisms, processes, several factors and influences, the cause and effects of each and every breath. 

i guess today i've come to the conclusion that nothing is simple, which is a bit overwhelming. 

while these may be the ramblings of a recently crazy cat lady, i did find some good news. 

God has blessed me with these relationships to help me grow, to have someone who comes along side me, to comfort me, to teach me, to do service with me 

these are good things! i shouldn't be overwhelmed by the fact they exist, but be thankful and excited about what can come because the do. if one or two are lost along the way it is because God has intended for something better, for both. 

i am thankful for each and every crazy-messed-up-confusing-complex relationship i've been blessed with.

I hate liberty

they are crooks

Beginnings and Endings

Beginnings of this week:

a blog

pet ownership

living situation

last semester of undergrad 

searching for answers in Jesus

trying harder to love like Christ

Endings of this week:

summer

summer classes

confusion

a friendship that means more than i can express (one way or another)

i've spent the last few days looking for an answer to something that doesn't seem to have a good solution. these past three month have been drenched in confusion and pain as well as inexplicable hope and joy. 

"Seek Christ" is the only answer i can seem to come up with; however, being the selfish turd that i am, it doesn't seem to be good enough... 

i know will not be satisfied until i understand that He is all i need... 

i am not about being a cheesy or fake Christian and i do hope that is not what any reader derives from this (or future) post... i am a confused human, trying to to what is right for the glory of my God. I know that my current situation is small potatoes compared to most, but that doesn't make it any less real or painful. 

it has been two days.

it it so hard. 

i guess i just wanted to write my thoughts down today...